Snorting caffeine: Get buzzed and ripped off all at once
I’ve had an obsession with the world’s most widely consumed psychoactive drug, caffeine, since I had to perform caffeine extraction in my 10th grade chemistry club. In the last couple of years this obsession has turned into a frustration for two reasons:
- shopping caffeine FREE products has become increasingly difficult, and;
- too many people are getting ripped off by ridiculously over-priced caffeinated products that are marketed as magical innovations when in fact they only “work” due to their caffeine content.
First, for reasons I don’t understand, FDA does not require listing caffeine content in any products. It is enough to mention “caffeine” or any of the sources, such as cola nut, green tea extract or guarana in small print and most people don’t even know that means a source of caffeine. I was hoping we had reached the limits of imagination with caffeinated soda, energy gels, energy bars, mouth spray, lip balm, “5 hour energy”, chewable sheets and caffeinated beef jerky. But no. Today I stumbled on a product to snort caffeine called Turbo Snort. Yes, snorting caffeine. It must be easier to profit from Turbo Snort than from selling a good night sleep.
Most of these products are obvious buzz generators and marketed as such, but many other (sports) drinks and snacks have purposefully hidden caffeine. The immediate buzz and feel-good 
that comes from ingesting the product creates a quick feedback loop: “this works!”. When in reality you are just paying for ridiculously over-priced commodity product: caffeine. All the other ingredients and herbs, for the most part, are just for confusion. For example, 5-Hour-energy’s “2100mg Energy Blend” would do little pick up without the 138mg of caffeine the tiny bottle has. Go to any well stocked sports store and it is quickly clear that it is now harder to find a caffeine FREE energy gel, energy blocks or a bar than with doses of caffeine. The most recent addition to the list of caffeinated sports products: salt tablets with caffeine. Brilliant innovation.
Second, those who actually are proactively looking for more buzz, more caffeine, are increasingly getting ripped off financially. Case in point: SaltStick’s new salt tablets with caffeine, are a combination of table salt and caffeine (for the most part). Both are commodity products that cost nothing; however, this product has a 3,897% market-up compared to caffeine retail price sold at Walgreens. Similarly, 5-Hour-energy sells at a 8,575% mark-up. The “snortable caffeine” tops the list though: 13,357% markup! Many Internet entrepreneurs dream of these kind of (gross) margins.
If you need a safe, strong and economic buzz: buy pure store-brand caffeine tables from Walgreens or any other convenience store. That “cup of coffee” costs less than 4 dollar cents. (Or: sleep more and better.)
